>A bad mood in Paradise
>I spent a good portion of the day in a bad mood, without any real reason. Of course, I haven’t had much sleep in the past few days and I felt like I had a reason or two to be upset. Driving in my car I decided to complain to Jesus; of course He would understand. I have some of my best prayer times in my car where no one can hear me if I speak with normal volume, cry or yell. I began by complaining about the two or three things bothering me as well as the gloominess that I could not shake. In the middle of my rant I said, “Jesus, I don’t des…” and stopped. I was going to complain that I did not deserve this but somehow I could not.
As I thought of Whom it was that I was addressing, the eternal, holy and perfect God who took on human flesh and suffered an excruciating death for my sins, I could not bring myself to claim to deserve anything. It does not need to be explained that it was upsetting to discover that I could not continue my rant.
As God pierced my hardened mind with a sliver of His Truth, the tone of my prayer changed in way that I could not have effected myself. It became something along the lines of, “God, I do not deserve any good thing. What I deserve is Hell. I live with a loving family, have great friends, attend an amazing university and live in a nation at a time that makes me one of the wealthiest one percent of people in the history of the planet. I sin constantly, love almost everything more than I love my own God and I am ungrateful for all the good gifts that God has given me. I deserve Hell, but You went through that for me. I deserve nothing but to suffer eternally and yet You have given me eternal life.”
How often do I give in to the temptation to complain and simmer in bitterness without any justification whatsoever? What an amazing miracle that the Creator and Lord of the Universe can love a wretch like me.